It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
