this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
