Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
