my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
