i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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