I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
