No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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