Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
