Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
