his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I will pee on everything he values.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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