gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
