At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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