Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
