Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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