when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
