don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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