You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
