Moan for me like Helen Keller
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
