The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They took my balls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
