i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
