you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
