how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the condom got lost in my hair
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
