I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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