Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
