don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
