no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its liver damage thursday
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
