captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dignity is for republicans.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
