would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
