should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
