Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
