I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Someone shattered a urinal.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
