I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
