mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
