so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
