I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My hand turned me down
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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