It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
