he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
