i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
