i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
