great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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