seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
