Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
