i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
