If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
