We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
