He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
