i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
