just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
