I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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