from now on my penis is your penis
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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