is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
